I’m on maternity leave and I just earned tenure. Things are good. After a super stormy 2016, I’m so very grateful for the new gifts in my life. I’ve grown a lot in the last several months: I’m realizing that life is imperfect and that when I resist the moment, as it is, I get angry, sad, anxious, and stressed. My job is not ideal: it’s not a perfect fit for me. I sometimes describe it as soul-crushing. But for this moment, I can accept that it is part of my current reality. Of course that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t, at some point, leave my job. It does, however, mean I can healthily navigate it for the time being.
I’ve been learning a lot about how to approach my job when I return from leave. Wesley, my two-month-old, is a wonderful teacher. In those middle-of-the-night moments when he is crying and I’m so tired and so spent, I find that accepting the reality of the moment–as opposed to resisting it with anger, sadness, or anxiety–is life-changing. Of course I’m not the Dalai Llama and accepting these little moments without resistance is not always possible for me.
However, I’m often able to draw on my three years of mindfulness meditation practice, find my center, and surrender to the reality that is the present. Once I do that, I calm down and I’m able to comfort myself.
It’s striking me that I’ll be able to practice this at work, once I return: at faculty meetings that are draining my soul and in moments where I feel that I can’t possibly get finished all I need to finish, I can surrender to the moment. Find my center (for me, that’s at the base of my belly), notice how my feelings are manifesting in my body (usually a lot of tension in my throat and chest), and tell myself to “melt” into the moment. It will allow me to rest in a moment that I would otherwise hate and resist.
I might even ask myself what I LIKE about the moment–this moment I seem to dislike, at least on the surface. Is there something about this faculty meeting that I can enjoy? Is it that I get to sit next to my good friends and colleagues? Is it the comfortable temperature of the room? Or is it just that I can appreciate that I’m currently in good health and I feel good at the moment? The point is that once I get back to work, I’ll be able to bring these little lessons with me: surrender to what is, rest there, and practice gratitude.
May we choose happiness, health, and peace in every moment (or as many moments as we can).